Not Your Mother's Gossip

Celebrity gossip blogs abound. But there's one that makes me literally laugh out loud (that's LOL for the extra chromosome wielding amongst you) with nearly every post. What Would Tyler Durden Do? is a snark masterpiece. From the nicknames

• Kirsten Dunst is "snaggletooth"
• Lindsay Lohan is "frecklet*ts" (my asterisk, not his)
  
• Nicole Richie is "the chupacabra"

to the delightful commentary (on Britney Spears' childrearing skills)

"Holy god, If I had a son, I'd rather leave him at a NAMBLA meeting than with Britney. I'd rather leave him underwater."

the writer never fails to please. Be warned, WWTDD is patently and overtly offensive. It's also very graphics heavy, including many pictures and videos you wouldn't want your boss to see you pull up at work. Oh wait - never mind. I'm pretty sure you don't have net access at the chamois spot at the car wash.

Broadcasters are DUMM too.

Despite its title, Fire Joe Morgan isn't only about Joe Morgan, it's about general idiocy by sports journalists, broadcasters, and announcers. Joe does hold a special place in its creators' hearts, though. Well written and unbelievably well researched, FJM points out how many sports "journalists" know less about their supposed areas of expertise than even you know.

Thats right, even you.

While it does cover other people, my personal favorite regular feature is the dissection of Morgan's online chats. I can't listen to him call a game, but I had no idea he was so mind bogglingly wrong about so many things, as well as incapable of answering simple and direct questions.

Fire Joe Morgan is low bandwidth friendly, and uses little or no language which uptight mouth-breathers would find offensive. You may now resume eating room temperature peas out of the can.

Thanks a lot...

I was going to do you the favor of reviewing John Scalzi's Whatever blog, but he's taking a brief (and well deserved) hiatus. I imagine he's as tired of your unending inanity as I am.

Thanks a pantload, people.

285 and Counting...

There are the humorous sports blogs everyone (except possibly you) are aware of, such as Deadspin. There are the specialized sports blogs ala Pro Football Talk with insight and investigative reporting which soar over your tiny, gnome-like head. There are the delightfully surreal (I'm talking to you, WizzNutz) which manage to have a truly unique voice.

And then there is the genius of Plunk Biggio.

Sure, we all saw Craig Biggio's 3000th hit on ESPN - I know you're incapable of digesting news beyond 30 second snippets with blinking lights and monosyllabic explanatory text - but were you aware that Biggio is approaching the all time record for being hit by pitches? Plunk Biggio lovingly documents this race to greatness.

Need to know Biggio's HBP breakdown by phase of the moon? This blog can tell you. Pull up a random page from the archive and find gems like

While Biggio has only been plunked on 12 of the 41 days on which a President was born, he's been hit on 15 of the 35 days on which a President has died.

Plunk Biggio is safe for work, uses few or no graphics, and doesn't contain material which could be considered inappropriate for children or other parasites. Now go back to your corner and bat around that ball of tinfoil.

Why?

It gets quite old constantly hearing my legions of sycophants plaintively bleating "Please share your superior knowledge of blogs, books, and music!"

This blog will let me tell you about these things using a more efficient one-to-many algorithm, rather than endlessly repeating myself to you, my adoring (and tiresome) public. After all, my time is infinitely more valuable than yours.