But, but, but....

I don't know what to say. This guy is even more disturbed than I.

You're worse, though.

Great Danes and Cancer and Madness (oh my!)

Joe Mathlete Explains Today's Marmaduke is, well, a blog by a gentleman named Joe Mathlete which explains each days Marmaduke comic strip. Pretty nifty, eh?

A tersely wry delivery chock full of sarcasm and disdain for the Brad Anderson penned strip is his forte, with good examples of the odd humor used here, here, and (a personal fave) here. It's a niche blog that's a real original.

Most posts include a graphic of the Marmaduke strip being explained, and while there is occasional "adult" language, I wouldn't consider it objectionable. If you do, I simply don't care.

No, the other Apple guy

Why didn't anyone tell me about the Zen-like perfection that is The Secret Diary of Steve Jobs? The author does a truly masterful job staying in character as Fake Steve Jobs, blending satire, humor, and the funniest photo credits on the web.

I blame each and every one of you.

The HORROR!!!

Tasteless, crude, and funny as all get out. My Brain Says Rage was initially set up so a couple of guys could write things to make each other laugh. Twenty years ago, their humor would've gotten them committed. I guess today's internet is good for something after all.

Favorite topics include Chris Benoit jokes, StegoSaurus's girlfriend problems, and the highly unsettling search terms people use (a regular feature helpfully titled We Are Awful, But You Are Worse) to wind up on their blog.

If you have a shred of decency stay away from MBSR. If you don't have a shred of decency but do have a sense of humor, check it out. If you fall into neither of these categories, keep voting Republican.

Quick post

Head over to the perfectly-titled Mustaches of the Nineteenth Century. You won't regret it. Unless, of course, you're either retarded or from Vinton.

Bunnies made of hypothetical cheese.

I know it will probably make your tiny little minds pop, but Uncertain Principles is a great science blog about life, the universe, and everything*. A personal favorite is the (soon to be available in book form) series of physics lectures involving Chad Orzel and his dog. For example, one of Orzel's conversations with Emmy makes accessible an aspect of quantum physics - specifically virtual particles - via a man/dog discussion about bunnies made of cheese.

Forget about the "here they be dragons" your teachers (a.k.a. you mom and sister) told you about. This is good stuff.

Edit to add - the whole schmear that is scienceblogs is a great read.

* DISCLAIMER: May not actually contain information about everything.

Words. Stinky, stinky, words.

There's a time and place for literary fiction, and there's a time and place for escapist fiction. I won't even call it a "guilty pleasure." I enjoy mysteries and thrillers.

Readable ones, anyway.

A smattering of authors in these genres I wholeheartedly endorse:

• Michael Connelly
• Tess Gerritsen
• Johnathan Kellerman
• James Patterson

What do their books have in common? Good plots and characters, and prose that (at the very worst) isn't awful to the point of distraction.

And then there's Iris Johansen. Compared to her writing, the ingredients label on a bottle of Pert Plus is on the short list for the Nobel Prize for literature. That's right, I'd rather read the a bottle of shampoo. Seriously, it's just that bad. Excuse me while I gouge my eyes out with the spine from "A Prayer for Owen Meany".

That's better. Sweet, blessed release of blindness...

He's BAAAAAaaaaaaack

John Scalzi's Whatever is finally back - pretty much. The archives haven't fully reappeared yet, so the glory that is bacon cat must be found via other means. His interests are wide ranging, and his opinions are typically well thought out and presented. He's quite effective at mixing humor and editorial content, such as the recently posted “Dear White House: Your Position on Secret Torture Memos Makes No Sense to Me, So Here’s a Picture of a Kitten in a Blender.”

An amazingly self documenting title, don't you think?

Scalzi writes (with amazing candor) about the publishing industry, his family, and whatever happens to be of interest to him at any given time. I'm really looking forward to his coverage of his upcoming trip to the Creationist Museum.

The site is sprinkled with graphics, and contains little or no language deemed unwholesome by constipated prigs. It also, unfortunately for you, contains no posts describing safe and effective methods for removing kitty litter from ill-fitting dentures.

Don't hate the Playaz, hate the game...

For out and out surreal hilarity, it's tough to beat Playaz Ball. Five middle-aged guys whose leisure suit and Kangol wearing alter egos romp alongside their idols (Kenny Rogers, Larry Holmes, and Conway Twitty) huffing comet dust, killing endangered species, and taking naps in inappropriate places. Nicely categorized, a personal favorite is the Bon vs. Nature section, featuring outstanding posts such as "Bear eats monkey at zoo, Bon eats bear" and "Man eats small dog to protest Royal Family; Bon eats larger dog as counter-protest".

Side splittingly poor Photoshoppery (imagine Nancy Pelosi in bed with Larry Holmes) accompany many, if not most, of the posts. The site is somewhat graphics heavy, but contains suprisingly little (or no) language which moralistic hand-holders would object to. So check out Playaz Ball in between your bouts of maniacally but ineffectively picking at those lesions.

Locals will know...

I submit to you: